Judgement of Past

i am leaving things behind
things that i cannot undo
i just have to try something
like replacing old with new

i have done some good in the past
but the memory of bad is what haunts
it is like watching god pick them up
as he waves and he flaunts

i have walked the path of my angels
i have followed my devil to hell
nobody knows when i was loved by light
but everybody remembers when i fell

i know that past is history
but history shapes the present
all i want is to ask for forgiveness
so my life could become pleasant

i do not beg in front of men
but in front of divine i bow
please overlook what i did
you can start judging me from now

A Wanderer

A drop of water
in a place of sand 
A single tree standing 
in a man owned land
A destitute eating 
in a place of grand
Little freedom in a time 
when all is banned

All of the above 
may come true for one
But they all give 
no hope for the rest
The world that 
we few want to live in
Can chew and spit out the best 

It is not like winning a lottery 
Or acing a test, for us
This evil crazy world will get us all
Whether one is last or the first

We fight with ourselves inside 
And with the outside world to survive
Just wanting to be ourselves 
And just to feel alive 

Because we know that Being oneself 
even for a second is all we need 
And every one in this common world 
Just want to make us bleed

A Silly Little Letter

I want to lay my heart out
For that i am writing this letter
Hope of being with you one day
Makes my day go better

You occupy my thoughts
Since the day i first saw you
No beauty comes closer to the time
When you walk into my view

I use to draw mountains and waters
that is where i saw myself one day
But ever since i saw you, my dear
I know all i want is to walk your way

For long, My pursuit has been for mind
But you make want to follow my heart
Never ever this has happened to me
I have started appreciating every work of art

I want to end this letter by saying
I am not perfect, i may not be worth it
But if there is a slightest of chance
Of seeing your smile, this silliness has been worth it

Saying and Not Saying

I am walking up to you

And my heart starts to pound

I cannot hear anything else 

Only can hear my footsteps sound

I searched around inside

Gathered all the courage i need

Thought Once listen to my heart

Let's see where does it lead

I may not be what you want

But it's you my heart desire

My mind may lie to everyone

But my heart is not a liar

My heart waited for this moment for days

While my mind listed pros and con

But this time i knew it was different

This time my heart was the king not a pawn

So here i am standing in front of you

Saying everything i always wanted to say

All of a sudden i realize i am quiet

And i said everything in my mind on the way

Now i speak and what comes out is

That i am sorry, this time again

You say it is all fine and

I walk away with something called "pain"

:Ishant

How to Love?

have been alone for so long
That i have forgot how to love
I am scared that when the time comes
I will not remember feeling of love

Time is cruel but
people are more cruel
They will say anything
to make you look Like a fool

It is hard to believe
When everyone is out to get you
So when you start keeping people away 

you push all away including the loving few

Getting over lost love is hard
But getting over betrayal is harder
Just to get away from all this mess
You move from them all more farther

You start loving your own thoughts
More than the people around
The only thing that calms you
Is your own sound

So instead of one, There are
two people living inside your head
You cannot go to sleep early Because 

you talk to yourself while laying on the bed

You blame yourself for
the lack of good friends
To avoid any conversation
you avoid all new trends

But after sometime, this all
becomes a bit hard to control
Because a time comes when you find someone 

for whom you can sell your soul

Then you don't know how to tell them
Why, in front of them, your heart beats fast
When you don't know for yourself
The feeling which never, for you, last 

:Ishant

These Lights

All i see in front of me are lights
In them i see all of my life's fights

They help me see the light
In the darkest of nights
They let me wander off
to new depths and to new heights

I feel a connection with them
they just call me and i come
When i stare into them
I feel both alive and numb

They make me smile
They make me sad
They tell me what is good
They tell me what is bad

They show me what it is
They show me what it can be
Even when i am bound by time
But of time, my mind is free

They help me remember my friends
They help me forget my foes
They are like a kind god
They take away my woes

They are the only ones
To whom i have told my secrets
everyone may know my happiness
But only they know my regrets

:Ishant

My Body And My Mind

My body wants to rest
My mind wants to run
I ask you God, merciful God
To help me choose one

I have been torn apart
By two enemy forces
I keep going in the wrong lane
And to go right, no body forces

I am lacking direction
I am lacking true courage
I am full of self doubt
I think I am not of my age

This indecision, this carelessness
Is taking its toll on my sanity
All it will take is a gentle nudge
To push me to the dark insanity

I don't understand Why one
does not play well with the other
Why do they ask me to choose
I always feel like their mother

It's my responsibility
To take care of both
I cannot favor one over another
I took a sacred oath

So as I close my eyes
And join my hand in front of you
All I ask is to help me
Keep a balance between these two 

Origin Of Creativity

there is creativity in truth 

there is creativity in lies 

there is creativity in hello 

there is creativity in goodbyes 

it starts on the day you are born 

also when between two decisions you are torn 

from your parents scorn,

from being too adorn 

when, for someone, you mourn,

when you walk a path full of thorn 

when you are so drunk 

you speak what you feel 

when asking for something 

for which you have to kneel 

when you find the love 

you always wanted 

when the tree of hate grows 

from the seed you planted 

when you are all alone 

searching for a friend 

when you, all by yourself, 

start a new trend 

when you bring happiness 

in lives of others around 

when you take their pain away 

without making a sound 

 

:Ishant

May Be

Absence of love is not always hate
Not being on time is not always late

If only we could remove
the layer of what seem real
Then finally we would know
what true real feel

If everything we know is just a lie
May be earth is not earth and sky is not a sky

May be Outside is what
you had locked inside
And inside is what
you were trying to hide

May be all our fights with life are fake
All it take is a stone, for a mirror to break

Truth is may be the heart which is beating
May be our fight is to give in and in not completing

May be future is ephemeral
and present is never ending
May be This world, this life
and this love is worth defending

May be hope is what we need
to stand up on our feet again
May be more life is what
we need to feel that sweet pain again


:Ishant Rajpal

Thoughts Contd,

Sitting in a box of contemplation 
Thinking about things from an atom
To a nation
Lost in the world of labor and of vacation
Silently observing all my thoughts
With patience
All trains start fron the same but
End on a different station
Every single wave giving different sensation
From a naked eye,
This world looks full of aberration 
Full of tricks, machinations and hallucination
But when you look closer 
You are looking at the most beautiful creation

Fleeting Thoughts

My thoughts I request you

To please stop coming and going

It is hard to focus in

Constant state of knowing and not knowing

One second I am here and

At other I am in a palace

how is that at the same time

my heart is full of love and malice 

Distractions just keep on coming

Like waves, one after another

One second I am happy to get away

And at other I miss my mother

I just want a single stream of thought

One day and everyday after

I want to feel just one

Whether it's sorrow or it's laughter 

All goals seem smaller when

Compared to the goal of being sane

You just have observe around you

There is nothing more complex than plain

:Ishant

My Muse

The simplicity of the world around

Is just life's biggest ruse

And I sit around waiting for

someone to be my muse

Life is simple for clueless

But being clueless means i lose

I will deal with difficult and impossible

All I need is my muse

I cannot deal with nothingness

I can deal with saddest of news

All I want is to fill my thoughts

Please be my first and my last thought, my muse

I searched in the past and in the future

for the path to you,I could not find any clues

I have searched in all the corners

of the world for you, my muse

So I call out to you, I write to you

You can listen, if you choose

All my life I have looked for you

Say something, say anything, my muse

:Ishant

A Star

I walked for so long
I think, I came very far
I look to you for direction
You, my love, are my star 

I spoke out of my turn 
And I did cross a line 
You are like a star, 'cause the longer 
the distance, the more you shine

The more I walk towards you
The more you walk away 
I shout, I howl, I have tried
To say sorry in every different way

I cried, I prayed in front of God 
Just hoping we,again, could walk hand in hand 
But all I get is nothing when
I close my hand while holding sand 

I slipped and I fell
There is no one to break my fall
I made a wall around my heart 
You are the one who can break that wall

One Last Kiss

when the wind doesnt blow
Trees leafs loose their appeal
without you here, my love
Just emptiness I feel

I want you to come to me
Without you I am all alone
I pass all my time
Waiting beside the phone

All the memories of you, I remembered 
Are slowly fading away
Without you my life
I, my love, will lose my way

I am forgetting how to smile
I am forgetting all emotions
Without you by my side
I am losing hope in all my notions

I have fallen so many times
I don't want to pick myself anymore
I am hoping that you will pick me up
All by myself, I am tired to the core

I am dying here of apathy
And god knows my last wish
Before I close my eyes and fade away
I just want, from you, one last kiss



Ishant

Ending Of Different

The salt of life

has lost its flavour

my respect, my devotion

have started to waver

I am tired of freedom
I am tired of labor
If you end my suffering
you will be doing a favour

The concept of heaven and hell,
to us, seems fair
why do good and bad always
come in a pair
being good is difficult
there is too much to bear
being bad is easy
you only have to dare

Animals are more human
then we could ever be
we steal, we kill
to satisfy inner me
like every lock doesn't
have the same key
everyone cannot follow
whatever is commanded in a decree.

:Ishant

Common

To leave everything

on your fate

It is just one

of many common trait

It is not your fault,

that is just how you are made

Moving between apathy

and sympathy is a common trade

Down the line,

every goal just fade

you are scared to do

what the world forbade

All the oppurtunities

and chances are a bait

The balloon of love

has air of hate

you wait for your turn

to be someone great

but the time shatters your dreams

like a child does to a plate

:Ishant

Music Of Silence

When all the sound of the world fades away

Then you listen to what the silence say

 She tells you about your past way

She shows you the price that you will pay

You seek her permission and

only if she say yes, then you may

She is a god among the common

So when you are with her, you pray 

 She is with you in peace

She is with you in your fray

People fall in love with her

For them, there is no night and day

Please do not fall for her love 

For her, you are just a prey

The music of silence is good For a while,

after which it starts to decay

So just meet her for sometime

Otherwise keep her at bay

:Ishant

Changes

I am blind to the world
But now I can see much clearer 
Always Felt so far away
All the things are now much nearer 

All the things I was scared of 
I am not anymore 
And all the things I once loved 
Of them, I am sick to the core 

Time, it is changing everyday 
And Yet never changing enough 
This Time takes enough time to build
But takes away with a huff and puff

Once where I felt love 
Is now ruled with apathy
Once I wanted to forgo them 
Now all I want is sympathy and empathy

Once I wanted people to remember me
for what I wanted to be 
Now I don't want them to remember for 
what they perceive me to be

Sides

it's a good day to live, it's a good day to die

make it your own or sit down and sigh

it's a good day for the truth

it's a good day to lie

be your best or be your worst

all i ask is that you try

head towards light or head towards dark

just please do something to make your mark

noah did the task so can you build an ark

be a dog that bites and not the one that bark

dont fight for money, dont fight for pride

there is no good and bad, be open to both side(s)

you can tell everyone or from them you can hide

do it all alone or get some help from a guide

be hot as fire or be colder than ice

nothing inbetween them will ever suffice

this thing called life plays with you game of cat and mice

so you either be wise or continue with your vice

there is place for people who are pleasant and nice

but as the time passes by, the place shrinks in size

:Ishant

HeartBreaker

Stay away from me, my dear 
I cannot even love my maker 
I swear, I am upto no good 
I have been called a Heartbreaker

It is not like I was born this way
Once I had love but there was no taker 
After that I closed myself to the world 
And became a lovely Heartbreaker 

my mouth says harsh words
But love is all I write on paper 
Real is all relative in this world 
I can or cannot be a Heartbreaker 

I stopped understanding love 
It does not mean that I am a hater 
Its just that i believe in what is opposite to love
And If you do not agree with convention you tend to become a Heartbreaker

:Ishant

Emptiness

there is nothing neither more silent 

nor more louder than emptiness

gives you great pain

and gives you great happiness, this emptiness

a seeker can find a lot of reasons 

to get close to this emptiness

and a preacher wants an escape route

to get out of this emptiness

seeing people cry and seeing people laugh

makes you think about this emptiness 

seeing people wither and die 

makes you worry about this emptiness

air makes you realise

that there is something called emptiness 

a tree standing alone 

gives meaning to the emptiness

water pouring down gives you hope 

that there is end to your emptiness 

our whole life is all about 

fighting with this emptiness

or accepting this emptiness

Ishant Rajpal

Scars Of War

Scars of a war

should be proudly displayed

they tell the story

of the price you paid

of the time you stood still

when you could have been swayed

of the happiness of your parents

for the child they made

Scars of a war,

they make you angry, they make you smile

reminds of the time

your fate was in your hand for a while

You cannot stock your scars

like you do with your file

A scar is like walking a thousand mile

Scars of your war shows

you have fought a war

and assures you of your journey

which you completed so far

:Ishant

Someone Special

When you came in my life
Even the darkest corner seemed bright
At that time I knew
For your love, anyone I can fight

You took my hand in your hand
It felt like I was in heaven
I realized then I can spend
With you, this life and more seven

The time spent I spent with you
With that nothing can be compared
Now I truly believe
In god's eye we are paired

Now you are going away from me
From inside I am dying
There is a smile on my face
But only I know I am lying

So I wish you all the luck
And you better take care of yourself
Because when you come back
I will have you all for myself

: Ishant (ishant.raj.2007@gmail.com)